I move back to school tomorrow and thought it would be wise to go with clean blankets and clothes. So off I went early in the morning, my untouched coffee in hand, to the laundromat with my several baskets of laundry ( I like clothes, I hate laundry, so I had about a month's worth of clothing). In my caffenine-less state I did not think to bring something to entertain myself, and I was fully convinced it was a waste of gas to go home, about a 25 minute drive. I cleaned my car, organized the papers in my glovebox, and made a grocery list. It took me maybe 15 minutes of the wash cycle. So I sat there day-dreaming to occupy myself.
And of course the topic of my day-dreaming was J. Really, this was nothing new. You know the Lady Antebellum Song "Need you now" the line "And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all the time." This is highly true with me. If I am not fully engaged in a task, my mind is on J, and I eventually wonder if I cross his mind.
Anyway, so I was lost in my own thoughts. I was actually thinking about the first weekend I stayed over his house. We went to applebees, and I offered to pay and was told no, and I backed down rather quickly. So I was thinking about now, wondering if I would back down and I decided I would probably not. I was wondering what J would do in that same instance, and I know he would most likely threaten a spanking for "not minding," and if I gave him enough grief he would probably follow through.
Now in my head this would not be a really BIG offense, and I am insistent the wicked is only for big offenses and the Lexan paddle is by no means a walk in the park. My mind decided a hand spanking with maybe a bit of the hairbrush if an implement was so necessary Although I have never been given just a hand spanking I would imagine it would be otk. As the scenario is playing out in my head, J sits on the couch and tells me to get over his lap. My inner subbie, forgets she's a sub and refuses. He and her go back and forth for a while until he asks if she would rather have a spanking with the wicked.
At this thought it brought me out of a daydream. I honestly do not know what would be worse. Ok, I know this sounds ridiculous A hand spanking OTK or a wickeding (think plastic switch). Seems like this should be a no brainer, but I HATE OTK. I am a bigger girl. I am not ashamed of this, I love myself. J can't have a huge problem with it or when I asked him after our first meeting if I was "ok enough" he'd have said no. But going over his lap gets me 12 types of self -conscious I am paranoid I am going to "Squish" him. It isn't he is little, he is about an inch (ish) taller than me, and he's a fireman so it isn't he's weak but still. Add in how juvenile it makes me feel, and how restricted. There is far more restraint over J's lap on the couch then laying on the bed.
So what's worse the pain, or the emotional/mental aspect. Not really sure, but in the parking lot I was pretty sure in my day-dream my inner subbie would have opted for the Wicked. She's probably not very smart :-p
Well with moving back in, school and work will start soon. I left on bad terms with a couple housemates. I am hoping with break all tempers have cooled down. I am the mom in the house made I can paddle them?
Have a lovely rest of the weekend.
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